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A Letter to Self-Hatred

A Letter from our eternal Father to our ancient broken hearts . . .  

Beloved, 

In the beginning, I created you. I kissed that dust and formed you with all the love a potter puts into his blob of clay as he shapes and forms it. Together we walked in the beauty of a Garden that I also thoughtfully formed and filled just to share with you. Our hearts were deeply connected, and you looked at me with complete trust. Then in an instant, all of it changed. Evil made its way into your very own heart with its lies and deceit. Though I knew it was coming, it did not make my own pain any less great. I came walking through that Garden longing to see you, the overflow of my love, come running to me. I wanted you to bring that newfound awareness of nakedness and weakness to my open arms. Yet, you hid in your shame instead. I called to you, “Where are you?” You answered, but your voice was trembling with fear. (Genesis 1- 3) Oh, how my heart broke. Where were those eyes of trust? From there, we began a journey that’s been unfolding for centuries, and it will continue to the end of time. It’s a journey of me pursuing you while you continue to hide and cover-up. With all my love, I am continually looking for hearts that will allow themselves to be filled. 

So, where does self-hatred fit into this picture? Well, my child, self-hatred is a fruit. It is something that grows over time and begins to taint how you see everything, including yourself, and definitely me. Just like those very first two earth children of mine, you look upon me with fear and mistrust. You can’t see the joy and the pleasure that I took while I was forming every little detail of your body, soul, and spirit. (Psalm 39) You are so afraid of the response that I might give to the full truth of your nakedness, your broken humanity. I know that I can be a big mystery, especially to your mind, that’s been infected with the need to know and control. However, one thing that never changed, nor will it ever change, is my love for you. There is no “trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword” (Romans 8:35) that can separate you from my love. The only way for you to open yourself to experience the truth of these words is to begin by exposing what is really in your heart. You may think every other person in the world deserves to be loved more than you. You may be a victim of abuse from others, and deep down, believe it’s your fault. You may feel like you got the short end of the stick in personality, talent, or genetics. You may not even see any value in being alive on the earth right now. No matter how deep or surface-level your hatred is, I promise that I am standing right in front of you saying, “Where are you? “ You must be really wary of carrying the weight of this shame. “Come to me…I will give you rest.”(Matt 11:28) 

Instead of hiding, every small step you take toward me is one step closer to receiving more revelation of my everlasting, unconditional love for you. The more this love enters your heart, the more it transforms how you see. It transforms how you see me and how you view yourself. These roots of fear and shame that try to overthrow the fullness and purpose of your life will only ever be truly obliterated by me. I am love. (1 John 4:16-19) 

Love, Your Father

This letter is not intended to simplify the effects of deep fear, and trauma in our lives. Our journey will always need to include the love and support of a safe community and at times professional therapy to help us see what’s really in our heart. These places should always guide us toward deeper connection with our Father in heaven whose love never fades.

Go deeper into this conversation with Coach and Amber Thornton as they discuss what self-hatred is, and how it can overcome!
JoAnna Fannin
JoAnna Fannin
JoAnna grew up in rural Ohio. She enjoys getting lost in a great book, writing, and exploring new places with her hubby. She lives in Greenville, South Carolina with her husband Brian and her two children Josiah and Ellory.

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